I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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