"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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