I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
