No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
