Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
