I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
is it fun? or sober?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize