I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
