I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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