And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't deserve a penis
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
