were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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