I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My vagina just recognized that song.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The uberlube is also flammable
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
