Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
