do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
