Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
