its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
