I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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