After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
