chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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