How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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