I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
