I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
