I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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