Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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