I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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