all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
