got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nutella sex= disaster
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
