I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
