You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
