..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
