Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
