If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if only i could text you this smell
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
