If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
