Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
