Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
