um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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