My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
