other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
