I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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