Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
