She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
