Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
