I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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