My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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