so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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