We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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