she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
