Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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