piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
