she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
