I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
