I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
