Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
