I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
