how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
