never play flip cup with pint glasses
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
