Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
