Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
