I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
