Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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