Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
