idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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