He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
