My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
