Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
