Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
