When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need to align my fucking chakras
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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